The Monster Mash

is my current choice for what the bereaved will have to lip-sync at my funeral. If I can’t have a groom lip-syncing to me a song extolling the joys of female masturbation (see previous post), it’s the next best thing. As you can see, I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. But I feel robbed. First, neither my ex nor I thought of getting engaged OR married on TV. I know, how old are we? Then, we got married without a chariot OR dancing girls OR canned snow OR a slutty “singer” to congratulate us while dancing inappropriately (not to mention singing inappropriately).

Since I don’t really see myself getting married again, my funeral is my only chance. Do you think Chippendales do funerals? What kind of donation would it take to get the priest to join in? Instead of dropping a flower into the casket, my family could spray snow over me, or Silly String. I’ve never seen the confetti bombs that you get in Korea with cakes in the US, but maybe they are sold at Asian markets…

Obviously I’ve got a lot more planning to do.

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